My Mother loved parenting; it filled her cup with energy. At a time (late 1960’s) when parents believed that “children should be seen and not heard,” “spare the rod, spare the child, and break the will of the child,” she chose to parent completely differently. Everyone praised her because my brother and I were happy, delightful, respectful children. She loved the mental challenge of parenting us at each level of growth. It was just plain fun to her.
So one would think that I would be a great Mother; I had a great example. Au contraire! I learned that just because you can play a game, doesn’t mean that you can design the game; just because you can eat apple pie doesn’t mean you know how to make it. I think you get the idea.
I loved my children so much and so deeply that I wanted four more after my first child, Tyler, died of SIDS at 9 weeks old. But as they grew into toddlerhood and beyond, I did NOT like my children.
My Cup Was Empty
Like many people, parenting does not fill my cup; it drains it. I was exhausted by all of the tantrums and arguing. By the time my youngest was talking, I constantly had all four of them talking to me at the same time! Then throw on top of all that Postnatal Depression and PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder—the worst PMS a woman can get), and I grew to be a Mother in name only.
So I spent two years immersed in human development study. I had a “light bulb moment” when I learned that you teach others how to treat you. Ah Ha! I had taught my children to be disrespectful, moody, selfish, lazy, violent and dishonest. I certainly wasn’t trying to teach them those behaviors. I was spending all of my time trying to STOP those behaviors, and in doing so, I was unknowingly INCREASING those unwanted behaviors. I have a feeling that you are too.
Now that my children’s behavior has changed dramatically, my own Mother recently confessed that she did not like being around my children back then. Ouch!
My Family
Let me share with you some background that facilitated the creation of the Easy As Pie parenting method. I have four children ages, 13, 9, 7, and 4, with my High School sweetheart and husband of 20 years.
Starting with Justine’s first few temper tantrums 11 years ago, which I felt ill equipped to deal with, I started searching for and reading information to help me understand how to handle these behaviors. My search led me to several books; 1-2-3 Magic, Super Nanny, & Have a New Kid By Friday. None of their techniques were effective. I’ll share why in my next posts.
What About You?
Are you unknowingly teaching your children unwanted behaviors?
