The television show and book, Super Nanny, introduced Cory and me to the concept of the Naughty Spot (time-out spot) and creating a consistent family schedule.
This show gave us great perspective on our children because we realized that they were so much better behaved than the children featured on the show!
The family schedule helped our children feel more secure because they were able to predict what was happening next in their lives. This gave our children a lot of comfort.
The Naughty Spot made it so we could do time-outs anywhere. We used their age times 1 minute; i.e. 4 years = 4 minutes. This was usually enough time for my children to get their emotions under control. At the time, this seemed like a fabulous idea.
What I Know Now and Why Time-Outs Don’t Work
Our kids spent a lot of time on the Naughty Spot because their poor behavior choices were getting worse. With four children, it always seemed like someone was in time-out, and it was exhausting to monitor all of their time-outs with up to four different timers!
Gradually, Cory and I started to realize that most of the time we were focusing only on the undesired behavior. My children would return from their time-out and repeat the negative behavior 10 minutes later!
It became crystal clear to us that time-outs don’t change children’s behavior. They just don’t work. Have you noticed this with your children as well?
Like we state in our book, What You Don’t Fix… Your Kids Inherit, what you focus on expands and we were experiencing this big-time! We were focused on their negative behavior. So by focusing on the unwanted behaviors, we were actually inviting them to happen more.
One of the most important concepts I’ve learned is that the words you use to describe your children as you teach will define who they are. What do your children learn when you are continually telling them that they are “naughty” and need to go on the “Naughty Spot?”
Over time our children were becoming more of we were focusing on—naughty children! They were living into the words we were saying.
Our children weren’t naughty. They simply liked to do a lot of behaviors Cory and I did not want in our home.
“Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habit.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” ― Lao Tzu
I decided that my job was to teach my children how to be Responsible, Respectful, Helpful, Kind, Cheerful and Honest.
When I changed my focus and words to teaching these values by using Easy As Pie, my children started to become responsible, respectful, helpful, kind, cheerful and honest. Interesting, huh?
What About You?
Are you finding time-outs to be ineffective?
