Do children need tough love? At some point, every child does something so bad that they must be punished. I love my child but a swat on the bum doesn’t leave long term damage. Or does it?
The controversy over “spanking kids” will go on until well after you and I have left the planet. But I want to talk about “punishment” today. Do you use it? Should you use it?
I used to … and I don’t anymore. Here’s why.
Punishment is PAIN.
It’s usually something that actually hurts a child; either their body or psyche.
Physical
Physical punishment is always something that children don’t like because it hurts them. Every time I spanked my child they learned to fear me a little bit more.
I could see it in their eyes—please don’t hit me mommy—and in their cries, “I’ll never do it again, just please don’t spank me!”
Emotional
Emotional punishment slips out of your mouth like a poisonous snake and strikes with invisible venom.
“How could you be so stupid?”
“You make my life so hard! I wish you were never born!”
“Go to your room. I don’t want to see your ugly face!”
I hear so many parents say they would never hurt their child, but when I listen to them speaking and yelling, it’s obvious they hurt their child every hour. Emotional punishment kills your child’s self esteem.
Fortunately, I’ve never used these types of statements when speaking to my children—and my children still struggle with their self esteem. They have only heard positive support from me. But every day that my child is in school, there are at least 10 students instantly destroying my hard work. It’s a daily process.
Start with a commitment to yourself and your children. “I chose not to punish my children.”
A New Option
You might be thinking, “Ok, Ana, if i can’t punish, what the heck am I supposed to do now? Raising children is hard!”
This is why I developed Easy As Pie™ parenting method. The manual is with my editor as I write this. I’m so excited!
Children learn that the movement of magnetic pie pieces and the resulting task to earn the piece back is not a punishment, it’s the effect combined with a label for a behavior choice. I never punish my children for misbehavior—there’s teaching and learning—it’s soft love. This parenting method makes my children happy. Their fear has been replaced with well deserved respect and love.
Remember: Punishment is Pain.
What About You?
I’m very interested to know—What is your belief about spanking?
Photo credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/liquid008
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